Any criticism – it is someone else's judgment of what you do or don't do. The difference between criticism and ordinary opinion is that criticism will necessarily be voiced out loud to whoever does or does not do it.
It is worth noting that if the criticizing person is not a professional or an expert in the field he is talking about, he always relies on his personal experience.
What is the essence of a criticand and what types of reactions to it are, the estet-portal.com journalist discussed with a practicing psychologist, coach, business consulting expert, trainer Nesia Ferdman .
• What determines the reaction of each person to criticism
• How can you change how you react to criticism?
• You yourself criticize people: Do you think it is necessary to criticize
What determines the reaction of each person to criticism
If you find that the criticism is justified, and the critic can really advance you in something or he wants to help you, he wants to develop you, then you should listen to such criticism.
There are other people who also want to help you, but don't know how to do it right.
For example, I had a case, I was talking to a person who is engaged in the development and design of sites, and when he came to my site, he began to say that everything was wrong, everything was bad! And I, realizing that he wants to help me, asked « What's wrong? He says "yes, it's hard to read!". And I realized that he was saying what was really important to me. I mean, sometimes you just need to learn how to "draw" something useful that a person can convey.
Sometimes you need to act like a sieve, sift through information in order to understand what you can extract from it for yourself.
A person may have had a bad experience in this aspect, but this does not mean at all that he is right. It is important to understand that criticism is based entirely on the experience of the critic, it all starts with the internal reaction of the person who criticizes, with the attitude of what he sees or hears.
We, too, may be in different moods, we may not be ready to hear anything.
I think that basically, in order to be able to take criticism or feedback, you need space and preparation. A place, I mean, not only physically, but also prepared in our head.
Only when we are given gifts, we are always ready, and even then, sometimes we need to prepare for some kind of surprise.
That is, the most important thing in the perception of criticism – it is the desire to accept and use it. You need to say to yourself "Yes, now I'm ready or want to hear what this person thinks".
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If criticism comes to me when I'm not ready, then, of course, the first reaction will be defense or attack.
Then just consciously, you need to move on to fundamental things:
1. Remind myself that "I'm not perfect and I can make mistakes, but I want to improve. Especially since there will always be someone who likes or dislikes what I do or don't do."
2. It is important to notice and see, to sift through the sieve, the facts. For example, someone tells you that there is a spelling mistake in your presentation. If it's really there, that's a fact. You can be offended by this, you can hear it or not hear it, listen or not listen, but this is a fact. In another case, a person says that you did not provide enough statistical data, then I can already say that it is enough for me, and then everyone speaks for his part. In this case, it is very important to listen and understand what I want and can take from this criticism for myself. Whether this applies to me personally or not. And again, how important to me is a person who believes that statistics are not enough.
My reaction will depend on this. How ready I am, how appropriate it is, and then how can I get it through the "filters of my sieve".
When a person criticizes me, I never start making excuses or defending myself. I can always say "Thank you for your opinion" emphasizing with this phrase that this is the opinion of a person. It works in everyday life.
When it comes to working moments, you can’t say “Thank you for your opinion” to your boss or director, you just need to thank and ask for some recommendations.
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How can you change how you react to criticism
I think it's okay to remind yourself that right now you're just watching the outward manifestation of various free judgments in the other person's head. That is, now he shares with you what he thinks on this or that occasion. You may be offended by his words, or you may not be offended. This is your personal decision.
For example, I very often think that when a person expresses something about what I did or did not do – this is attention to me.
That's why I try to take from criticism what promotes me, and what I don't need – do not use. You know that not everyone likes even the dollar. (Laughs)
To think that everyone will like you – this is not practical as it is simply not possible.
I try to identify in criticism what would point me to my mistakes, to things where I, perhaps, almost completed it. And yes, it can be annoying, but it's something that can help me.
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Actually, it's best to get feedback from people who are experts and professionals. People who will not pity you, but will be able to really give that feedback that no one else will see, notice or understand. And it's very strong.
It seems to me that you need to find such people yourself, ask them to give some judgment, because this is what can advance. A healthy attitude towards good criticism – it's that kind of attitude. Many people pay to be given professional feedback, it costs money, and we are still very often offended by this. You can be offended if it is unprofessional, inappropriate, unnecessary, and when it simply does not apply to you personally.
Very often, in my practice, people give judgments that are not even related to what I do. And I immediately understand that this does not apply to me. This is his personal judgment, his past experience, these are associations, this is what is connected with him, but this in no way characterizes me.
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You yourself criticize people: Do you think it is necessary to criticize
Those who work with me know that I don't have the word "criticism", I have "feedback".
After we did some project at work or did some training, we generally got used to giving each other feedback. We choose the time so that, again, everyone is ready for this.
Our feedback includes three items:
1. What did you like and what was good? You need to be able to highlight this and you need to be able to say it. A person who cannot see what another has done well or what he is good at at all – this is a much deeper problem. By the way, it is very important to say and notice what was good, so that next time you don’t miss it and do the same. Because, sometimes, we are so determined to change something that we miss what was good.
2. Always begins with "I personally missed…". Here everyone speaks about himself, what exactly he lacked.
3. Recommendations – it is "What I propose" - specific actions, what can be done and how for the future to be better.
And we generally have such a rule, even at home in the family, I try to use it, do not make comments and do not criticize if you cannot suggest how to do it differently.
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