Why exes come back and how to react to it

Почему бывшие возвращаются и как на это реагировать

Probably, every woman can remember a situation when, some time after the breakup, a man appeared in her life again. It happens in different ways: someone just starts with a checking “hello, how are you?”, and someone immediately goes to an apology and asks to take it back. And here a woman faces a difficult choice: to believe the person with whom you once had to break up? Has changed? Is he telling the truth about his feelings? Let's look into these issues.

Why Exes Come Back: What What Causes Unexpected Appearances
How to respond to the return of the former: are there any prospects
How to Respond to an Ex Who Has Suddenly Arrived in Your Life

Why Exes Come Back: Why The Reasons for Unexpected Appearances

As you know, this is a mass phenomenon, which means that there should be clear patterns and reasons. Of course, neither one nor millions of articles will be able to cover the whole variety of human relations. But we will try to identify a few general criteria. So why are ex-men coming back?

Reason 1. The man rested and looked at you in a new way

The reason to some extent will depend on how your relationship with the person was when you were a couple. Who was in charge of the relationship, who "allowed himself to be loved"?

Often the situation goes like this: a woman is hot, she thinks about a man more often than he about her, she advocates some kind of joint leisure, she is very bored when they are not together and et d . And the man, in turn, is more aloof. Someone justifies this with the features of the "male character", they say, they are not too emotional, this is nature. But most often this happens due to the fact that a woman simply "needs more." She is really more interested in these relationships. And at some point, she just starts to put too much pressure on the man, she becomes too much, she wants to be completely him, take all his time.

Relationships of this kind naturally come to & nbsp;finals, the initiator of the gap is almost always a man. However, after a while, he tries to renew contacts. Moreover, even if he broke up with a woman very ugly, said too much to her, mentioned several times that she "got" . Some time passes, and he as if forgot all his words and deeds.

A joyful woman thinks that her lover has changed his mind (and she, as a rule, still continues to love him, or at least to experience some kind of excitement). But what really happened? In reality, the man just got out of a relationship in which he was not given air, breathed it in, looked at the woman — and appreciated it in a new way. Or vice versa, in the old way — just like in & nbsp; the first days of acquaintance. And it suddenly seemed to him that she was nothing at all, even very good, especially not strangers to each other, we need to try something again.

Reason 2. The man saw that you in good shape

The most common and subject to the law of meanness type of "returnees". When a woman cries and prays to God that only her love returns — "love" meanwhile, and does think about she thinks. But as soon as she gives up, wipes away her tears, begins to build her life anew, buys beautiful clothes, goes to procedures— the man is already there.

The matter, of course, is not in the law of meanness. And it happens not out of spite”. Simple logic works here: he didn’t need you broken and suffering, but beautiful and confident — needed.

Reason 3. He just forgot all the bad things

This is a little naive, but still a perfectly adequate way to explain why your ex came back. Everyone knows about the features of the human brain and psyche — we forget the bad, keep only the good in the head. If enough time has passed, then the reasons for the breakup have simply been forced out of the consciousness of your ex-lover. They may also have disappeared from you. And here both ask a logical question: «Why why did we break up at all?». And they begin to make attempts to restore the relationship, or at least communication.

How to respond to the return of the former: are there any prospects

The chances of a to take and to build a wonderful and strong relationship — very small. Many couples go through this stage several times. They converge and diverge endlessly, causing wry smiles of mutual friends.

If the reason for the ex's coming back is because he just took a break from you and now perceives everything differently, then there is a good chance he will be tired again. It is unlikely that you have seriously changed during this time, have radically changed your model of communication with partners. In such situations, most often after some time everything returns to the original: the woman is again more active, requires more attention and time from the man, and he passive and cold. At first, such a man does not understand why he broke up with you at all. And then he does understand why he got back together.

If it's all about removing negative memories, then the picture is about the same Returning to & nbsp; relationships, keeping in memory only pleasant moments, a person again steps on & nbsp; the old rake. The problems haven't gone away. If you didn before had a common language, you didn acquire it after parting magically. All the same conflicts and quarrels are repeated, the man realizes why he broke up with you for the first time.

Do you think that in your case the reason is that the man saw you "on" a horse? and regret everything? Then the prospects are even more vague. Life together does not consist of some moments of your strength, beauty and perfection. Sometimes you will cry, get sick, lie in bed, fall into longing and hate the world — all this can happen to you. And where then will be that same man who thought of you only when you were high?Are you sure he will run away again and not leave you raking all your problems on your own? It’s not for nothing that in & nbsp; marriage vows there is a line about & laquo;sorrow and joy» and "sickness and health". A reliable partner will always love you.

"Is it really that bad? There is no chance to create a strong relationship with ex?» — readers may ask. There are always chances, but they are quite small. There are exceptional cases when two people, after several breakups, finally converge and live happily ever after. This happens only in the case when both during the breakup did a lot of inner work, corrected mistakes, changed their outlook on life. With the coincidence of all the "cogs" a successful union is possible even after the third divorce, not even after one separation. But are you sure that in your case everything is exactly like this?

How to respond to an ex who suddenly appeared in your life

Let's give some tips to help you not to make mistakes in the heat of the moment:

Don't rush to believe the words. If a person really has done work on himself and realized something, then he will prove it in practice. The words of the former man — it's wind and sand. Check them, see how he acts in practice.
If you waited to return, don and admit it.Some men may write to their ex-girlfriends in order to make sure — «I am still loved and waited». As soon as you give such a man what he needs, namely — admit that you were sad all this time and were waiting for his call. He immediately loses everything interest.
If you've lost interest during the breakup, don't get involved in it again. Men often put on whole dramatic performances to show how feeling they how they don't sleep and don't eat without you. And the girls believe in it, begin to feel sorry for the unfortunate person, even if he them is no longer interesting. Don't take everything literally and allow yourself to be manipulated.
Remember how that person treated you Breakups always have reasons. If a man mistreated you or even cheated — hardly during that time he became a different person. Don't let your feelings fool you and keep in all the bad things he did.
Set up a trial period. If you still feel like you have a renewed person who understood everything and is now ready to do things — — give him time to prove it. Set aside literally a week or a month to see how a person acts. Until you confirm that something has really changed, don open up and emotionally get involved in the communication.

Maintain whether contacts or friendships with ex-men — the choice is yours. There are universal rules of courtesy in such situations. You can just casually ask how the person is doing, ask about the reasons for the appearance, nod politely and say goodbye.

Remember that you owe nothing to this person. And shouldn't take it back with a smile and joy. Think first of yourself and your desires.

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