Страх отказа, социальные сети и реальная жизнь

Rejection hurts in any situation, be it work, dating or friendship, it's not a very pleasant experience. Rejection activates the same areas of the brain that physical pain does. It's no wonder why so many people are afraid of rejection, but we've dived into the subject and found ways to deal with it.

The editors of estet-portal.com will help you learn to accept rejection and fight your fears. 

Fear of rejection: why personality disorder is dangerous

Over the course of our lives, each of us has been rejected. In fact, the first thing you will know is that others do not always choose us as friends, partners or colleagues. Psychologically, fear of rejection or sensitivity to rejection -  is the location of the person. Fear assimilates into a personality trait that manifests as an anxious and persistent expectation of rejection, suggesting hypersensitivity to feeling of rejection at the time it occurs and with intense emotional reaction after the event.


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In other words, high rejection sensitivity is characterized by an intense concern for situations, real or imagined, in which a person is rejected or criticized. This includes heightened vigilance for social cues and extreme attunement to other people's emotional states.

Hypersensitivity to social cues

On social networks, especially in groups or chats at risk, those who are afraid of rejection. The refusal makes them sensitive to any expression of dissatisfaction, the situation is similar to the work of sonar, which through sound waves can detect danger. If a person is not very sensitive, he will not realize and perceive the displeasure of others, but if he is hypersensitive, everything will be taken very close to the heart with a lack of an objective assessment of the situation. In other words, a person will consider comments or remarks that are not meant to be critical as signs of rejection.

The consequence of this hypersensitivity is a vicious cycle that impairs interaction. In fact, a strong expectation of rejection causes a person to stay away and be silent, creating a mirror reaction of distance. At this point, the person who is afraid of rejection will take the other's distance as evidence that they are not appreciated, increasing the rejection rate of the relationship.


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Unfortunately, what seems like a good strategy (personal surliness) can lead to misunderstandings.

An evolutionary push for fear of rejection

Fear of rejection is a common human condition and is considered by many psychologists to be a psychological adaptation to prevent exclusion from the group.

The need for belonging has played and continues to play a key role in the survival of mankind. It arises from the need for people to form groups that facilitate survival. Groups can exchange food and resources, provide mutual assistance in raising children, and increase the ability to protect against threats.

It is not surprising that the fear of negative judgment is one of the greatest fears a person has.

From this point of view, rejection sensitivity is intended to ensure good relations with other members of the community. Moreover, observation of social cues would allow early identification of signs that predict rejection and development of adequate coping strategies. For example, by activating restorative responses (submission) or an active situation avoidance response (attack-escape behavior).

Fear of sentimental rejection

A special case is the fear of being rejected by a person to whom we feel attraction and affection.

Rejection in this case can be especially painful, as it is associated with self-image.

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In addition to a general decrease in mood, sentimental rejection can cause depressive states, lower self-esteem and fear of one's future. In addition, feelings of revenge are not uncommon, which in extreme cases can lead to situations of psychological or physical abuse.

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The suffering caused by sentimental rejection serves two adaptive functions. Crying and expressing sadness serve as a social signal and facilitate an empathic process that will cause caring people to support those who have been rejected. In this sense, showing rejection helps increase social support.

Second, the pain of rejection is a negative consequence that the person does not want to experience again. The situation has the function of reminding the person that the strategies used in courtship have been ineffective and will encourage the adoption of new strategies in the future.

Fear of rejection and personality disorder

On a psychopathological level, the fear of rejection intersects with many disorders, but is of particular importance for some personality disorders.

Borderline Personality

Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by pervasive emotional instability, impulsiveness in actions, and difficulty in maintaining stable social relationships. These people react impulsively and emotionally to situations in which they anticipate or tolerate rejection. Those suffering from this disorder tend to feel more isolated from groups. They perceive less belonging even in the face of clear manifestations of acceptance and integration.

Narcissistic Personality 


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A second disorder in which rejection sensitivity is central is narcissistic personality disorder. The experience of social rejection is very painful for these people, to the point of causing violent and angry reactions.

Avoidant personality

A third personality disorder based on fear of rejection is avoidant personality disorder. This pathology is characterized by a deep sense of inadequacy combined with a fear of being criticized and rejected. These people tend to view themselves as chronically inferior to others, fearful of most everyday interactions.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Finally, the fear of rejection is central to social anxiety. It's not a personality disorder. It often manifests itself in a limited form due to the fear of being criticized during public speaking. Those who suffer from social anxiety are afraid of looking stupid and being criticized . How to deal with the fear of rejection

The following are some simple tips to


rejection (real or dangerous) from others.

    Remember that rejection is a normal aspect of existence and that it is not unusual to feel emotional pain.

  • Ask yourself if there are alternative explanations that can justify the other person's distant or irritated attitude. For example, difficulty in work, fatigue, or simply not enough time to devote to a conversation.

  • Use the rejection as a constructive moment to
  • improve yourself or re-evaluate: What can be improved to avoid future criticism? Is what he told me really a rejection?

  • Love, respect and accept yourself. Rejection is painful, but it is in front of it that everyone should feel confident in their worth. You can try to connect with a loved one who respects and loves you. His support will greatly help you in the fight against the fear of rejection.

  • Look at the big picture. Often the rejection is limited to the situation, context, or comes from one person and should not be taken as a general judgment.

  • Don't let the feeling of anger and revenge win. It is important not to let anger drive impulsive actions, but rather to recognize anger and dedicate yourself to enjoyable activities that will help you overcome it.

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Rejection can hurt you and make you doubt yourself. But the fear of it can limit you, preventing you from experiencing much of what life has to offer. Looking at rejection as an opportunity to grow instead of something you can't change can help you be less afraid of that opportunity. Over time, the pain usually goes away, and she is no exception. After a year or even a few months, it may no longer matter much. If you are having trouble overcoming this fear, counseling can help. More useful and interesting information on our

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