Toxic people: how to identify and neutralize

Toxic people may be among our relatives, colleagues or friends. They don't stand out in any way, often have a good reputation, and look presentable. The situation here is the same as with missing products, which are skillfully disguised by sellers in the market. Unpleasant sensations appear after use. And in the case of toxic person — after communication.

The challenge of coping with a toxic person — difficult. However, it is real. And the more accurately and quickly you learn to identify such people, the easier and more pleasant your life will be. After all, nobody literally will send it. So, estet-portal.com talks about the main signs of toxic people and how how to deal with them.

• How To Identify Toxic People: 5 Signs
• How to Deal with Toxic People: Protecting Yourself from "Poisons"
• How to Recover from a  Toxic Person

How to identify toxic people: 5 signs

The signs by which psychologists advise to identify toxic people can be divided into two categories: the behavior of the person himself and your feelings in the process of communicating with him. Toxic people always affect your condition, this is one of the main markers that helps to calculate them. Let's talk about a few more signs.

Speaking more than listening

One of signs you're dealing with a toxic person — she always pulls the blanket over herself. When communicating with such a person, you cannot calmly share your emotions and feelings. Because you know that you will be killed and will still reduce everything to their person. They are simply not interested in other people, they revel in their own victories or suffering. And & nbsp; they try to occupy the entire "ether" . Communication with such a person is always one-sided, it can hardly even be called communication, because it involves the contact of two people. And in the case of toxic person — this is a one-man theatre.

Often making victims out of xxx>

In conversation with such a person, you can often hear that everyone around is bad, everyone offends him, infringes on him, doesn let him pass, blocks the air. Talking about some problems, he always focuses on external circumstances. Almost never  takes responsibility. With the concept of "responsibility" toxic people are generally unfamiliar. They live in a world where everyone owes and is obligated to them. And if someone doesn does the way they would like then he an enemy and unworthy person.

They love to gossip and slander 

Toxic people often spread gossip behind the back of their acquaintances. Once they have a little quarrel with one friend, they immediately go to the other to tell all the dirty details about the first one. They often exaggerate the state of affairs, paint other people in & nbsp; black colors, expose them as monsters and & nbsp; examples of immorality.

By the way, they don't care if you want to listen to these stories or not. You will listen to every tox is next to you and wants to throw its negativity at your side.

Be sure that if a girlfriend or friend likes to gossip with you about someone then the s s does behind your back.

They criticize and find only faults in you and others

The toxic person will not shy away from criticism about your appearance or actions. She will simply and  on forehead declare that you   "too fat", and this dress doesn not suit you at all. Don't confuse this with sincerity. The distinguishing features of the toxic truth-womb is that no one asks them to speak out, they do it when they want to. You don't ask their valuable opinion — they share it anyway. And and express everything as if they are doing you a favor. A common phrase from the lips of a toxic person: "Who else will tell you the truth, if not me?".

Read also: How to end a destructive relationship: 4 steps to emotional freedom

With them you feel bad mentally and physically

When we eat a spoiled product, the body gives signals — nausea, headache, fatigue. He also comes to help in the case of toxic people. Communicating with such a person, you will feel physical discomfort.  you may get a headache or stomach ache, sometimes there may be a pressing sensation — it's like someone won't let you breathe.

People who have had contact with such characters often complain that after they leave, some kind of "residue" remains. Some compare communication with them with a stream of mud that suddenly spilled over the head. It seemed like there was a good mood, energy was in full swing, but & nbsp; there was a tox, I stayed nearby for a few minutes & nbsp; & mdash; and that's it, the person is already devastated and can can't find a place for himself.

How to deal with toxic people: defending yourself from "poisons"

Of course, the first piece of advice that comes to mind after listing the signs of these people is: "nbsp;in no way communicate!" However, things may not be so simple. Often there is no way for us to avoid the company of venomous characters. This applies to situations where toxic people are at work or among close relatives.

It is possible to resist their poisoning power. It is enough to follow these recommendations.

Take care of your personal boundaries

Remember the mystical movies in which people protect themselves from ghosts with the help of a circle of chalk on the floor? There is truth in this. Only instead of a physically delineated space there will be psychological boundaries. Your task — do well for yourself. When dealing with a toxic person, forget about pity and the desire to help another by stepping on your desires. First of all, determine what you want. And accommodate everything else with this.

If we are talking about the boss, with whom it will not be possible to quarrel and to insist on his own, then still mark the fair boundaries of the relationship "leader-subordinate" and don't let your boss go beyond their  Your work responsibilities do not listen to complaints, discuss gossip, receive criticism of your appearance (unless related to a work issue). So feel free to tell the toxic boss that you are not here for this. Or just say the catchphrase: "I need to work, all the best!"

Talk about your emotions directly

Often we feel embarrassed to tell our parents or girlfriends in face that their gossip and complaints are simply not interesting. We must learn to do it. If a friend calls you and starts the usual "hurdy-gurdy" about the difficulties of your life and the scoundrel people who offend him, politely but firmly stop him. Say, "I'm a little busy, do you have something urgent?" or just "I don't want to talk about it."

Don't be afraid to offend a toxic person. Rest assured, he is not afraid of offending you. You do owe nothing to you have the right to speak openly and stop unnecessary and exhausting conversations.

Read also: How to protect yourself from energy vampires and live happily

Avoid contact as much as possible

The less time you spend in the company of a toxic person, the better for you. Therefore, psychologists advise to stay away whenever possible. Communicate only in situations where there is absolutely nowhere to go. They often press on guilty and reference that you   a decent person»and decent people — don ignore others and always available. Don don't buy these tricks. Your task — provide yourself with a calm and & nbsp; happy life, and & nbsp; not & nbsp; feed other people. Keep this in mind when planning communication. Instead of listening to criticism from  tox or discussing for the  100th time his difficult life, go to  go to the cinema or go to a treatment, take a walk in the park, do something nice for yourself. A main — forget about the feeling of guilt.

How to recover from a toxic person

If you have spoken to a poisonous character and now feel unwell, then use our recovery tips.

1. Do a relaxation exercise. Sit in a quiet place, take a deep breath, expanding your belly, not chest. It's called "diaphragmatic breathing" — versatile and quick way to calm down. Let inhale your belly as if inflates, and exhale — subsides. You will feel that after a few breaths, your breathing will become slower. This is because with this type of breathing, more air enters the lungs than with normal breathing. Enjoy slow breathing for 10-15 minutes. You will feel better in the process.

2. Stop your internal dialogue with tox. After contact with a toxic person, snippets of a conversation may spin in your head, some kind of dialogue with him, an argument may continue. Stop it by switching to any pleasant activity that requires a certain amount of concentration. You can just turn on a nice movie or series to get a more relaxed atmosphere.

3. Write down your feelings on paper.Writing is very soothing, as it combines emotional verbalization with muscle tension. Don do not be shy in expressions, write whatever you think. After that, you can safely tear the sheet, crumple it with force or even burn it. It has a relaxing effect.

Read also: Human emotions: how to cope with them

As you can see, toxic people can be dealt with. Determining them is also quite simple. Therefore, armed with our advice, give battle to an unhealthy environment. And spend the saved strength on pleasant deeds and kind, understanding people nearby.

Read also: Distress: what it is and how to deal with it

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