There are many ways to hurt someone in a relationship, such as overt form of physical abuse, or covert, consisting of psychological manipulation and gaslighting, a specific form of psychological abuse. In our time, it is important to understand the whole essence of the actions of a manipulator (gaslighter) and arm yourself with protection methods so as not to fall under manipulation.
The editors of estet-portal.com will tell you how not to become a victim of psychological manipulation.
- How and where psychological manipulation occurs
- Benign and malignant procedures
- Gaslighter Strategy – how not to fall into his tricks
- Four Psychological Techniques for Protection against Manipulation
How and where is psychological manipulation manifested
Psychological manipulation – it is a kind of instrument of exploitation of another person in order to obtain a number of benefits from him. Sometimes the consequences of manipulation can be very serious for those who fall under its influence, undermining their individuality and emotional balance. However, in other cases, such as in relationships, emotional manipulation can even be beneficial to the well-being of people or the relationship itself.
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Manipulators do not always do so with the knowledge that they are endangering the relationship. They may also react with surprise or anguish when they realize that their actions have had disastrous consequences.
The Manipulator is not always a perverted narcissist, on the contrary, he can be a vulnerable person who suffers from the thought that he must lie and change reality in order to be wanted by someone. Inside cultivates the belief that no one can love him for who he really is.
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Psychological manipulation may appear as a transitional mode in ambiguous, suspended, or evolving relationship contexts. A prime example of this would be, for example, the stage of courtship between two people. The courtship stage is the stage where some sort of strategic manipulation is commonly used. That is, the ability to show the best side of yourself to another in order to amaze and conquer him. Again, psychological manipulation can occur in all those relationships in which there is imbalance between the parties.
Benign and malignant procedures
Manipulations can be malignant or benign. To understand psychological manipulation and its consequences, it can be helpful to imagine a continuous line between the two extremes. These include various forms of manipulation, from harmless or even benevolent ("benign") to malevolent ("malignant").
- Benign manipulation
The polarity of "benign manipulation" includes all those behaviors, attitudes and communications that, by distorting reality and information, are aimed at evoking positive emotions in another or protecting him in a vulnerable position.
We all know very well that healthy attachment is also characterized by small manipulative deceptions, mostly motivated by the need to protect the other, to care for him, to create a stable and pleasant relationship.
Therefore, the distinguishing element of "benign" manipulation lies in the fact that it in no way affects the values of trust and respect for others. In these cases, the manipulator wants to give something good to the other, and at the same time wants to share his well-being and happiness.
It could be said that the positive extreme of being manipulated includes all "relationship games" in which both parties win in one way or another.
- Malignant manipulation
Opposite polarity, i.e. "malignant" manipulation, represented by the so-called gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a neologism introduced by American psychologists to denote the highest degree of cruelty, pathological Machiavellianism, emotional blackmail and violence in relationships. This term is based on the film "Gaslight" ("Gaslight") of 1944, in which the main character - a traitor convinces his wife of madness in order to hide betrayal from her.
Gaslighting is characterized by deliberate and calculated actions designed to confuse the victim's perception and undermine their self-esteem in order to impose psychological submission, with the primary aim of gaining advantage at their expense.
"Sinister" the manipulator, or gaslighter, does not show empathy for his victim and does not stop at the dramatic consequences of his actions.
Sometimes even when the other loses control, until he considers himself crazy, and does not perceive himself as a disintegrating person.
In fact, the main goal of gaslighting is to undermine autonomy and ability to evaluate each other, to gain complete control over your life. Attacks are often insidious, unsophisticated, poorly recognized by the victim, not to mention those around them. Sometimes they are explosive, aggressive and use progressive devaluation, conditioning and silence. Alternating attacks can destabilize even the strongest individuals.
Gaslighter strategy – how not to fall into his tricks
Progressive Depreciation
To achieve the goal of progressively devaluing its victim, "malignant" the manipulator initially uses light irony (for example, about physical form, appearance, clothes, speech, etc.). Then he tries less and less covertly to criticize the habits, preferences, character traits, friends and family of the victim.
Finally, he carefully and ruthlessly devotes himself to instilling doubt in the morality of another person, in his devotion, intelligence, honesty. One by one, like human skittles, it affects all emotional landmarks, gradually isolating from reality. The victim of the manipulator will often not allow him/her to enter the field, and will destroy the residual bonds herself.
Psychological conditioning
Conditioning, in contrast, consists of the controlled introduction of small prizes each time the victim appears exhausted and on the brink of collapse. Or, even better, when she meets the manipulator's evil demands (e.g. dinner, a few words of love, a subtle nod of respect, but especially sex).
In romantic relationships, which are the privileged site of this extreme manipulation, sexuality is injected like a drug, with painstaking and strategic attention. What the victim perceives as passion, as a complete fusion with each other, the manipulator uses this to further define the feeling of ownership of each other.
Manipulative Silence
But silence is the ultimate punishment, a favorite strategy for the superiority of the "evil"; manipulator. It consists in complete renunciation of each other, after the manipulator called the interlocutor insignificant and inappropriate to his requirements.
The Manipulator suddenly withdraws from all communication, manages to disappear and, unlike the victim, can tolerate long periods of separation. This is because he knows that he needs to wait for the punishment to take effect.
During the period of silence, the victim tends to blame himself and regret that he caused such a sharp and incomprehensible breakup. So she becomes weaker than ever. But if this does not happen, then the manipulator will restore communication and carefully take advantage of the state of worship of the victim in which he left her.
Pathological Manipulator
Progressive devaluation, psychological conditioning, and silence create a "malignant" manipulation in its extreme form gaslighting. At the same time, they reveal the predominant personological traits of the persecutor in pathological narcissism and sociopathy.
Recognize and learn to recognize the presence of manipulation between "benign" and "malignant" polarity can help clarify the differences between the personality characteristics of the manipulators, in order to identify certain features in the relationship as soon as possible and immediately seek help.
Better understanding of the dynamics caused by different types of manipulation may actually help develop even more targeted psychotherapeutic therapies, assist victims in the process of releasing and recovering from dysfunctional relationships in shorter timeframes.
Four Psychological Techniques to Protect Against Manipulation
- Get used to listening to your own emotional feelings
The sensations of the stomach are now fully legitimized by science, especially since the existence of a vast neural network right in the gut region, as complex as a cat's brain, was discovered. The trouble is, you're often used to ignoring these "intelligence" based signals. and "common sense" with sometimes disastrous results. As advised by psychologist Robert Cialdini, an expert in persuasion techniques: if something makes you feel manipulated, take it for granted and walk away. You will draw your own conclusions later.
- Cultivate Self-Awareness
Learn to observe yourself and observe your thoughts, cultivating what is psychologically called metacognition.
- Practice acting from a different point of view
Imagine in your mind the situation – "as if" you are the third person who comes and watches and observes the interaction between yourself and the other. Analyze actions, think over strategies to avoid manipulation. Thus, you always receive new useful information.
- Make decisions
Don't be afraid to make decisions! Manipulation - it's part of life. Excessive persistence in seeking to protect oneself, in addition to not giving a full guarantee anyway, eventually leads to a paranoid approach to reality, which in turn is an excellent leverage to be manipulated by those who sell security. On the other hand, it is much more useful to increase your resistance, that is, the subjective ability to take blows without losing confidence and positiveness in life.
Accepting other people's demands in order to avoid discussion or judgment involves giving up part of our personality and succumbing to manipulation. So be consistent and say no as often as necessary. If you decide to fight the manipulator, you will not take the easy path, you will encounter many obstacles. In most cases, this means leaving behind the comfortable positions we have occupied throughout our lives, whether in a family setting or at work, but it will certainly allow you to be more connected to yourself and make it easier to find a path to emotional balance.
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